Three brave couples recently revealed the impact their mismatched libidos are having on their relationships.
In an article recently published by the Daily Mail, three married couples admitted they face a challenge in their relationship, resulting from their differing sex drives.
Stacey Powell said his wife of 12 years, Vanessa rarely responded positively to his sexual advances.
“I make advances most nights and, if I’m lucky, Vanessa responds two or three times a month,” 39-year-old Stacey says.
“From telling her how beautiful she looks to pouring her a drink or offering her a massage, I will try anything to get her between the sheets. I try different approaches because I don’t want to sound like a stuck record.”
Vanessa, 45, responded, saying that intercourse just isn’t a vital requirement for her in her relationship.
“Sex has fallen way down my list of priorities because, unlike the other things I have to do, it’s not essential,” Vanessa explains. “I can go for months without sex and not miss it. When our daughters were babies we didn’t have sex for months and I didn’t miss it at all.”
In contrast, for Paul Morris-Jackson, 35, it’s his wife Rebecca who is frequently in the mood for sex and him who tends to turn down her advances.
“There’s an assumption that women who are married and have children don’t want sex, but that’s certainly not true in my case,” says mother-of-two Rebecca.
“I really enjoy sex, so can see no reason not to have it as often as possible. I take the view that once the kids are in bed and asleep, there is nothing to stop us making love.”
She adds: “Sometimes I wish it could go on for longer, but afterwards I feel so good, positively glowing. My husband, however, is one of those people who can live with or without sex. He’ll say to me: ‘Stop looking at me like that, I’m not a piece of meat.’”
Paul responded: “Having sex twice a week is enough for me. All I want to do in the evening is collapse in front of the TV. But then Becci starts tickling my thigh and whispering in my ear. When that fails, she’ll change into silky underwear.
“There are times when even that won’t work and I tell her I’m too knackered.”
Finally, Katie, 26 and husband Paul, 36 have differing sex drives because their incompatible jobs mean they’re in the mood at different times.
Katie, who is a carer by day and a waitress at night says: “On my one day off I want to get on top of the washing and shopping and then do something fun and sociable, like have a day out or go for a meal. Sex is the last thing on my mind.”
Additionally, Katie admitted that her sex drive is very much linked to her most fertile time of the month, as she’s keen for her and her husband – who has three children from a previous marriage – to have a child together.
“Paul gets a bit cross and says we’d improve our chances of conceiving by having sex more often, instead of just the couple of days a month when I’m ovulating,” says Katie.
Paul, who runs a motor repair business during the day and is a security officer at night adds: “I do sometimes resent it when she wants sex with me because it’s her fertile time, after three weeks of knocking me back, but I rarely turn her down. But I try to get Katie in the mood by sending her suggestive texts at work.
“She texts back: ‘Can’t we just see what tonight brings?’ Unfortunately, I know from experience, the answer is probably nothing at all.”
Relationship counselling service Relate says that when couples seek the organisation’s help, one of the issues they have is different expectations of how much sex is enough.
After launching a survey earlier this year entitled ‘The Way We Are Now’, Relate found that one in five respondents admitted they are always too tired to make love.
Meanwhile, only 23 per cent said they have sex as frequently as once a week, with the other 77 per cent making love even less often, or not at all.
All this information got us wondering: How important is sex to you? Is it essential that you have it frequently or can you live without it for long periods of time? And what if you and your partner have mismatched libidos – can the relationship work? Tell us what you think!
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